Boundaries Are Your Birthright
Most of us were never taught what boundaries are, how to know our own, or how to set them. So we move through life guessing, people pleasing, and hoping others will just “get it.” Here’s the truth: boundaries are your birthright. You have the right to name what is okay for you and what is not. When you cannot, you suffer. And I do not want that for you.
Boundaries teach people how to treat us. Without them, others may overlook our needs and we can start to feel invisible. That is not always malicious. Most people are busy meeting their own needs. Your job is to name yours clearly and kindly.
Three core types of boundaries
Knowing your boundary starts with noticing your body. Boundaries are felt before they are spoken.
1) Physical boundaries
This is about proximity and touch. What distance feels comfortable with a stranger, a parent, a colleague, a partner. Culture and past experiences matter here. If you have a history of physical or sexual trauma, your body may alert you sooner or louder. Think of standing at a crowded concert and suddenly feeling hot, tense, or irritable when someone is right behind you. That spike is information. You get to shift your position. You get to say, “I need a little more space.”
For kids, choice is key. Let children decide if they want to hug or not. That protects their sense of bodily autonomy from the start.
2) Emotional boundaries
Picture an invisible force field around your heart. It lets you feel your feelings without absorbing everyone else’s. If you grew up as a parentified child or a default caretaker, you may soak up emotions like a sponge. Strengthening emotional boundaries helps you stay compassionate without losing yourself.
3) Body boundaries
Your energy is finite. Burnout happens when we live like we have no limits. Think of your phone battery. A 20 percent charge cannot power a one hour Zoom call. Your body is the same. Keep a pulse on your energy and plan your day with that reality in mind.
Why people fear boundaries
Three common fears keep people stuck:
The reaction. You worry they will be angry or think you are mean.
The story. You assume the worst response before it happens.
The finality. You think you only get one shot to say it perfectly.
You can handle a reaction. You can clarify if needed. You can keep communicating.
How to communicate a boundary
Use I-statements so the other person can actually hear you.
“When plans change last minute, I feel stressed. I need at least 24 hours notice.”
“I am not available for conversations when voices are raised. I am happy to talk when we are calm.”
“I cannot take that on this week. I need to protect my energy.”
Boundaries can be flexible. You can compromise without abandoning yourself. Rigid lines are sometimes necessary for safety. Day to day, flexibility lowers tension and keeps relationships collaborative.
Quick scripts to practice “no”
I cannot take this on right now.
I would love to help, and I do not have capacity this week.
That does not feel right for me.
I am not available for this conversation.
No.
You’re already doing the work by being here. If this resonated with you, share your thoughts in the comments or join our newsletter for more insights from the Triggered But Thriving podcast.
With care,
Sarah
