Emotional Boundaries 101: Your Invisible Protective Shield
Emotional boundaries protect your inner world. They filter what comes in, what stays out, and what requires a deeper look. Without them, other people’s projections can land like truth. With them, you can stay steady and connected to yourself.
Projection is not proof
People who have not worked on their wounds often project. “You are selfish.” “You never care.” These daggers can hit hard if they match an old story inside you. Your job is to notice the sting and pause. Ask yourself:
Is this about me, about them, or about both of us?
Do I agree with any part of this?
What is mine to own and what do I set down?
This is filtration. You are not rejecting all feedback. You are discerning.
I-statements that land
You want the other person’s nervous system calm enough to listen. “You always” puts people in defense. Try:
“When I am interrupted, I feel dismissed. I need to finish my thought.”
“I feel overwhelmed discussing this right now. I want to revisit it tomorrow.”
“I value our relationship. I need us to keep personal comments off the table.”
Flexible vs Rigid Boundaries
Flexible boundaries allow options. Rigid ones are a full stop. Both are valid. Examples:
Flexible: “I can do dishes three nights a week. Let’s split the rest.”
Rigid: “I will not stay in a conversation where there is yelling.”
If someone keeps pushing past your boundary, you can reduce access. Shorter visits. Neutral locations. Fewer topics. You do not have to keep explaining once you have been clear.
The guilt trap
Guilt is designed to keep us connected. For people pleasers, it can become a reflex that overrides self-respect. Use the doorway check:
Turn your attention to “their room.” What do they need?
Now turn to “your room.” What do you need?
Decide from choice, not obligation.
If you choose to help, do it on purpose, not because guilt made the call.
When you do not explain
You do not owe everyone a dissertation. If explaining leads to debate, escalation, or shaming, stop explaining. Act the boundary.
“I am heading out now. We can talk another time.”
Hang up kindly if someone is yelling.
Change the setting. “Let’s meet at the café instead of your place.”
An internal emotional boundary
There is an inner line too. It limits how far you will let your thoughts spiral. Example:
Story: “I was left, so I must be too much.”
Boundary: “I will not adopt that belief. I will own where I abandoned myself, and I will learn from it.”
That is self-respect in action.
You’re already doing the work by being here. If this resonated with you, share your thoughts in the comments or join our newsletter for more insights from the Triggered But Thriving podcast.
With care,
Sarah
