Why You’re Not Broken
Have you ever felt like something is wrong with you? Like no matter how hard you try, you keep falling back into the same patterns, the same emotions, the same reactions?
I want you to know something important: you are not broken.
The way you respond to the world isn’t proof that you’re damaged. It’s proof that your brain and body did exactly what they were supposed to do; they kept you safe.
How Coping Mechanisms Begin
When we’re young, our brains are still developing. We don’t have the complex thinking skills adults do. So when something stressful or overwhelming happens, our little brains come up with simple solutions:
“If I make Mom laugh, she won’t be sad anymore, and I’ll be safe.”
“If I hide my feelings, I won’t upset anyone.”
“If I take care of everyone else, maybe they’ll take care of me.”
These strategies are brilliant in the moment. They’re survival tools. They help us feel secure when we’re small and vulnerable.
The problem is, they don’t just disappear as we grow up. They follow us into adulthood.
Why Old Strategies Stop Working
What once protected us can become exhausting later in life.
People-pleasing might turn into burnout.
Shutting down emotions might lead to feeling disconnected from yourself or others.
Over-caring for everyone else might leave no space for your own needs.
And when those old coping mechanisms don’t work anymore, we often blame ourselves. We think, “Why am I like this? Why can’t I just stop?”
But the truth is, your brain learned a pattern. And patterns can be unlearned.
Triggers Aren’t Proof You’re Broken
When something in the present stirs up a familiar feeling from the past, it can hit hard. We call this a trigger. Maybe you cry uncontrollably after conflict, or your anger feels explosive, or you spiral into shame.
It feels overwhelming because your survival brain has stepped in. Your nervous system is convinced you’re in danger, even if you’re not.
That reaction doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means your body is doing its job — trying to keep you safe using the tools it learned long ago.
You Can Choose New Tools
Here’s the good news: while your past shaped your coping, it doesn’t have to define your future.
With awareness, compassion, and support, you can:
Recognize when you’re triggered.
Understand where your reactions come from.
Learn strategies that actually serve your life now.
This process takes time. It isn’t about “fixing” you — because you were never broken. It’s about uncovering your authentic self underneath the layers of survival.
Final Thoughts
Healing isn’t a straight line. It’s messy, nonlinear, and often frustrating. But every time you reflect, every time you try again, you’re proving that you’re resilient.
You don’t need to be fixed. You deserve to be understood.
And that’s where the journey begins.
You’re already doing the work by being here. If this resonated with you, share your thoughts in the comments or join our newsletter for more insights from Triggered But Thriving.
With care,
Sarah Ferland Doherty RSW
